Buy U A Drank: A drink (or gift) obligates a woman to what exactly?

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Originally Posted by elvis

not only that Posh, but what i really meant was that when you accept the candy, they want you to get in the van.

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this is exactly the best description for this whole situation!

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Originally Posted by jcp5252

I think I'm going to have to side w Posh on this one. The guy definitely was fishing but she deflected it all before he had a chance to expect anything. Clearly she was with her fiance' and was going back to his table. If the guy had any class the drink would have been a thank you for the conversation already given. Thinking he could take it further at that point just makes him creepy.

My .02.

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I agree with my fellow Texan as in Texas we all treat women with respect when we buy them a drink.

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Originally Posted by panto

What freaked me out, after I bought the drink, you and your boyfriend kept looking at me all night. Weird......

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I know, sorry. We're freaky like that. Pssst *call us!*

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Originally Posted by IMAC

Next time, just say "thats a nice gesture - would you mind paying for a drink for my husband, too?"
My 02.

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This is really what I should have said, if I knew I was going to accept the drink. And make no mistake about it, I was. This would have re-enforced what I just told him. But some people would say I was still wrong and I respect that.

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Originally Posted by Soleggiato

I generally dont accept drinks from guys even when my guy is at home. One reason is that guys will generally make outbursts like that even if you stay and chat with them because they've had a few drinks already (which has happened quite a bit to me even though I'm polite, state that I have a fiance beforehand ...even though I dont... and even show them my gorgeous "engagement" ring... and also accepted drinks because I'm usually pressured from my gf so she can chat with the guys friend etc) or want to still get at you like one of my ex guy friends. He purposely tries to get the girl thats taken already... he said its funner that way... suffice to say thats why we dont hang out anymore... he'll hit on me only when I'm have a bf... so no talky at all anymore.

A few of my gfs do that all the time though, and I feel really bad for the guys... really uses them and we take off... and thankfully they usually drive when we go out cause I did get drugged once because one accepted drinks from this guy for the whole group. So no more drinks from strangers for me.

So maybe that guy did just want to chat, or maybe he was seeing if you'd have a fling before the big day. Who really knows? Human beings can be pretty heinous. The only way to prevent anything like that is just politely refuse because you never know, they can be the most polite and sweetest guy and just not give any hints of anything til you get the drink and dash cause they wanted something but you didnt save for the drink.

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Okay, so I wasn't the only person to have a situation like this happen, with the whole outburst thing. That's what got me. That kinda "brought it on home for me," if you will. LOL

And I don't like that whole only talk to attached girls thing. My fiance has a sleazy friend like that. They knew each other when they were little kids before they moved from Russia. He's a MESS. He wouldn't care if a woman was handcuffed to her husband; he's going to put the moves on her. I don't care for him for other reasons. And no, he's always been respectful to me. I guess because of my man.

A friend of mine had something placed in her drink to and the two guys who put it in there actually tried to help her . . . right out of the club. She was with some people who managed to catch up to them. She couldn't really talk and tell them that the guys that were "helping her" were the two guys who did it. They claimed that they were getting her outside into the air and then left right after. That was a close call! She doesn't drink publicly anymore.

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Originally Posted by panto

Most guys hit on women that have boyfriends because they have nothing to lose. Its not as big of a let down if nothing happens. Non confidant men do this. Biggest losers!

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They have something to lose: their teeth. :D And they are losers for this!

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Originally Posted by agazza

just say something witty back.

No big deal, stop overthinking everything woman :D

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I have to over-analyze! I HAVE TO KNOW WHYY!!!!!!! LOL

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Originally Posted by louisruby

Frankly a drink is a drink and that is all.

If i bought a woman a drink I would expect a chat and there would be no obligation attached.

Trouble is plenty of guys think a drink means a chat that leads to more, you happened to meat one of them. He even gave you the set up - single man from out of town on business and at a local hotel. He was fishing and cast the bait. He was expecting more (even though you told him your situation) and was upset when he didnt get it.

Were you obliged to provide more, in some eyes, perhaps. In all reality : No, absolutely not. He was wrong and ill mannered about it. Send down the Russian....:lol:

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Thank you, Louis. This is what I thought. We're adults here. A drink is a drink. I have purchased drinks for guys before if I thought they danced well or were dressed to kill. I'm not a double standard person. And since he was older (mid- to early-forties, if I'm not mistaken), I figured he was just being polite. I do get everyone else's points but this was essentially my point.

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Originally Posted by jcp5252

I think I'm going to have to side w Posh on this one. The guy definitely was fishing but she deflected it all before he had a chance to expect anything. Clearly she was with her fiance' and was going back to his table. If the guy had any class the drink would have been a thank you for the conversation already given. Thinking he could take it further at that point just makes him creepy.

My .02.

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Finally, someone who sees it from my point of view. I was a helpless, thirsty victim, delirious from being so parched. I was experiencing double vision at this point and needed champagne--stat! I was lucky to be alive! LOL

A few things went down wrong in this whole scene. (I feel like a movie critic here...)

Posh, you could have stayed about a minute or so (not 5) after accepting the drink. The old loser should not have expected anything more than just your time (but that's a fantasy..). When he blurted out that "get your tush back here right now" phrase, you should have gone back, returned the glass by handing it to him and then "accidentally" spilling it all over him.

NOw that would be a classic scene !!!! But yours is honorable too.

MUHAHAHAH I remember what you look like.....well kind of...damn its been a long time...****...I forgot sorry :(

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Originally Posted by aksingh

Posh, I am afraid the guy was ABSOLUTELY right. He paid for your time. Now that means that until you finish your drink or at least for 5 minutes after getting it you are obliged to talk to him. If you want to go immediately then NEVER take a free drink from a guy. To just go off straight after is uncivilised and rude and gives women a rep for being users and some men start getting very sinister ideas about ALL women. So do yourself and women everywhere a favour and do the right thing next time.

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Sad to say, but this is more or less correct (although the guy could have been graceful about things). Think of any present in any context - how would the giver feel if after you got what you wanted, you immediately bolted for the door?

And in a bar situation, if you buy a drink for a girl (which I consider daft if you don't know her - buying a girls time rarely ends well), you're not expecting a trip to her place, but at least the pleasure of her time. Given that he knew you had a fiance waiting upstairs, I get the sense all he wanted was some platonic company of a pretty lady - by accepting, you agreed to provide him with that.

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Originally Posted by assasi9

and for future reference, as if you didn't know this, if you don't want any unwelcome advances don't accept drinks from men at a bar!

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^^^^ This

Your fiance should have gone to the bar to get you your drink. That being said, if a woman obviously has other places to be after a short conversation -- there is no harm in buying her a drink and giving her a business card and telling her it was a pleasure talking. I can see where he might have assumed, wrongly, that the drink would get him some more face time -- but he obviously did not listen or pay attention to what you told him. Despite all of this, drinks from men often come with expectations that can range from some more conversation, to -- well, more. If you are not wanting either end of the spectrum, I'd recommend not accepting drinks from random men. It's probably worth the $15+ a glass to not have to worry about this sort of thing again.

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Originally Posted by PamRehab

Your fiance should have gone to the bar to get you your drink. That being said, if a woman obviously has other places to be after a short conversation -- there is no harm in buying her a drink and giving her a business card and telling her it was a pleasure talking. I can see where he might have assumed, wrongly, that the drink would get him some more face time -- but he obviously did not listen or pay attention to what you told him. Despite all of this, drinks from men often come with expectations that can range from some more conversation, to -- well, more. If you are not wanting either end of the spectrum, I'd recommend not accepting drinks from random men. It's probably worth the $15+ a glass to not have to worry about this sort of thing again.

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I said that I was going to the bathroom anyway and decided to grab a drink when I was finished doing that. There's no need to ask for assistance with that when I'm already up and about. While I find that to be remarkably quaint, polite and thoroughly gentlemanly, I don't think it was called for in this case.

It's amazing: when you actually want and a need a man to be a gentleman or generally helpful, you'd be better off trying to deep sea dive in search of Bin Laden's corpse. Where is this "can do" spirit when I need your g*ddamn socks and shoes out of the middle of the hallway? Oh, you only wanna be helpful in restaurants, bars and clubs? I see. :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by burnzilla

MUHAHAHAH I remember what you look like.....well kind of...damn its been a long time...****...I forgot sorry :(

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I remember what you look like exactly. When I last went to Monterrey, I looked for you everywhere. Where were you? LOL

Sad part is if he was on business there's a 95% chance he paid with a company credit card anyways, so technically he didn't even pay for your drink. I bartend at a nicer resturant and see this stuff all the time, its pitiful.

It is impossible to judge the situation without seeing it played out. Body language, vocal inflection, etc. Bottom line is though, even IF you were in the wrong and he was offended, the classy thing for him to do would be to move on with his life and strike up a conversation with someone else. He reacted as you would expect Kid Rock to do, not a gentleman.

That would have been nice but too much to hope for at that point. And like Rice said, it was probably placed on a company credit card or expensed. LOL

I can't beleive how rude some people can be, i agree with LouisRuby, the guy wanted more and was not happy when he didnt get it, so he made a scene, sorry this happened to you.

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Originally Posted by replicageekfan

^^^^ This

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+ !

I asked my wife what she would have done under this exact same circumstance. She said, NO. You are opening a door that should be locked tight. Her words.

omg hound doggie.... you're hilarious :) lololol

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Originally Posted by mrs-h-

I can't beleive how rude some people can be, i agree with LouisRuby, the guy wanted more and was not happy when he didnt get it, so he made a scene, sorry this happened to you.

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Thanks. It was startling and eye opening, if nothing else!

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Originally Posted by MrZoSo

I asked my wife what she would have done under this exact same circumstance. She said, NO. You are opening a door that should be locked tight. Her words.

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I can certainly respect that. I thought in 2011, that since we'd chatted quickly and had a pleasant conversation, that a drink was simply a nice gesture from one individual to another. Maybe I was being naive but I also wasn't accepting a car! Well, he's definitely broken me of that habit. At least for the rest of this year. ;)

My take: Old Geezer with the company credit card..... Hot young babe, nice smile, charming small talk!

The guy thought he hit the jackpot, but realized he rolled craps... Typical male chauvinist pig response. LOL

Yeah the guy is a total jerk. Any good businessman knows, you don't sign the contract before you understand the terms. Obviously he was not a very good businessman at all.


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That guy is completely classless. A drink obligates the woman to nothing at all, and when you offer to buy one, you should expect nothing in return. There is no uwritten contract that accepting a drink obligates you to talk with them. A drink is often the entree into some sort of conversation, but if I buy a woman a drink, I can't get angry if she then goes off to talk to someone else....

Poshy....you need to get one of those sandwich boards and put the rates on it when you go to a bar....
1 Cheap drink.........................you get the time of day
1 Good drink..........................5 minutes of chit chat
1 Rep Birkin............................A massage at the bar
1 Gen Birkin............................A massage....WHEREVER
1 Four whell drive Porchee......:cheesy: :cheesy: :cheesy:

Bidness is Bidness.........:lol: :lol:

Hey you made it clear up front you were with your fiance..... the buyer is the jerk, for making a scene.
Personally....I have bought drinks and gifts, because I wanted to. I never expect anything in return. ;)

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Originally Posted by pascal1976

That guy is completely classless. A drink obligates the woman to nothing at all, and when you offer to buy one, you should expect nothing in return. There is no uwritten contract that accepting a drink obligates you to talk with them. A drink is often the entree into some sort of conversation, but if I buy a woman a drink, I can't get angry if she then goes off to talk to someone else....

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Well, I've heard both sides and one of the sides has chastised me for my actions! I'm a very, very naughty girl. :kiss:

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Originally Posted by Triple-d

Poshy....you need to get one of those sandwich boards and put the rates on it when you go to a bar....
1 Cheap drink.........................you get the time of day
1 Good drink..........................5 minutes of chit chat
1 Rep Birkin............................A massage at the bar
1 Gen Birkin............................A massage....WHEREVER
1 Four whell drive Porchee......:cheesy: :cheesy: :cheesy:

Bidness is Bidness.........:lol: :lol:

Hey you made it clear up front you were with your fiance..... the buyer is the jerk, for making a scene.
Personally....I have bought drinks and gifts, because I wanted to. I never expect anything in return. ;)

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You know, I may just do that! And the funny part is you pretty much have the price list layed out perfectly. Were you in any of my Financial Geology classes? You seem like you have a master's degree!

Unfortunately, the incident has made me leery to accept things offered by strange men for fear I'll owe them something. Well, not all strange men.

I'm really bad at saying no. ;)

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I never told him. He's one of those "crazy Russians" and it isn't worth the hassle. Trust. LOL

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It's certainly not a Russian thing but I agree with the guy. Perhaps not his response but what he must have felt. You had every right to accept the drink but the polite response would have been to either turn him down or keep him company if you chose to accept it.

Wow, that is honestly crazy. I mean I get that he bought you the drink, but I don't think that YOU should have to stay with him. I think that it was a nice gesture for him to do that, but it was rude what he said. I mean I honestly can't believe that he would ever say that. That is just rude, and honestly you shouldn't have felt the need to stay with him because he knew that you were engaged.

Got to say Posh - You should not have accepted a drink from a stranger - C'mon, you know the rules.
You know full well what predatory animals we guys are and we have sad egos to feed.

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Originally Posted by bentleyblower

Got to say Posh - You should not have accepted a drink from a stranger - C'mon, you know the rules.
You know full well what predatory animals we guys are and we have sad egos to feed.

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Last time Posh posted on RG was in November 2012.

lololol! Wow...that was a blast from what appears to be a very distant past!

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Originally Posted by bentleyblower

Got to say Posh - You should not have accepted a drink from a stranger - C'mon, you know the rules.
You know full well what predatory animals we guys are and we have sad egos to feed.

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Thread is 5 years old mate, Posh hasn't been around in yonks.

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