Money For Nothing: Do we want too much?

I'm curious about what people think about the following:

A friend of mine and I were at a very informal dinner party in suburban Virginia and an interesting conversation came up. A guy who was dressed okay was trying to chat up my friend. They had blown through the usual trivial fluff convo and had come around to jobs. He asked her what she did for a living and he told her and, of course, she asked him the same thing in return. Anyone who knows anything about DC and the whole Metro area, knows this would be a standard Beltway Questionnaire inquiry, whether you like it or not. Usually, you meet people who work for think tanks, Congress, government, government contractor, K Street, start-up, etcetera. The job he said wasn't prestigious or particularly lucrative but it was an honest day's pay for an honest day's work, which is just fine but wouldn't mesh with her lifestyle goals. I knew that but he didn't.

Anyway, after he told her what he did she said very simply and without even a hint of condescension: "Oh, that's nice." If she had been acting, she'd have gotten an Oscar. No furrowing of the brow, no cocking of the head, no flinch of any kind. He got a little indignant at her for this reply; the words chosen, I think are what caused him to become defensive! After a brief exchange trying to clarify a reply that I don't think needed much he said it made her seem and I quote, "superficial and golddiggerish." Yeah, all this because she asked him back what he did and didn't do a cartwheel when he told her. I backed her up after the conversation because she thought she was in the wrong and I thought she wasn't. She felt really bad for the rest of the evening regardless.

I see way too many women (and men) settling, in every sense of that word, in regards to a mate AND themselves. Why wouldn't you want to be at your absolute best for yourself and future husband or wife? And I don't mean this strictly from a monetary sense either. Wanting someone with good value systems, character, morals, family background, and education is the right thing, or is it?

Are some women's or men's standards too high or are they right they need to be?

The guy is a t a bar chatting it up to get some for the night. Nuthing more. Dont take it personal. It's a double standard. Alot of guys are super low quality and "act" like they are better. your girl sounds cool to me. She didnt fall for the ussual which is respectable.

I also sometimes feel shallow cuz I am not attracted to a women unless she is really hot. I cant help it.

This was a dinner party at a house. Not a bar. But I get what you're saying.


Really hot, huh? Exactly how hot are you? Why is that men never look at the merchandise THEY'RE trying to move? :confused:

Back to the seriousness at hand . . . .

I dont know if I'm hot or not but thats just how I feel.


you can be the judge. And you can tell me I'm ugly if you want. It's cool LOL

Guy in the black shirt...

http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s...DSCN0031-3.jpg






I'm goin to bed. Ya. I respect a girl who turns down the usual. Shows character and for me...thats a total turn on.


Nite guys and gals.

Quote:

---

Anyway, after he told her what he did she said very simply and without even a hint of condescension: "Oh, that's nice." If she had been acting, she'd have gotten an Oscar. No furrowing of the brow, no cocking of the head, no flinch of any kind. He got a little indignant at her for this reply; the words chosen, I think are what caused him to become defensive! After a brief exchange trying to clarify a reply that I don't think needed much he said it made her seem and I quote, "superficial and golddiggerish."

---

well.. i dont wnat to stick up for the guy, since i dont know what his respsone was, but

tbh, no matter how it was delivered 'oh thats nice' regardless of how delivered, with nothing else given... gives the message of 'who cares, not interested'

i mean 'oh thats nice' followed by *anything* that is related to the subject, thats fine

but just oh tahts nice, then just let it drop...

for some people, that might just naturally come off as a big screw you


'hey what do you do'
'im the president of the US'
'oh thats nice!' (given with due respect)
...
...
...
..
'thats all you have to say? nothing else? are you shallow? show *some* freaking reaction.. good or otherwise.. pleas for the love of christ have a real opinion... anything... just say something'

...

but thats just me.. 'oh thats nice' is a dismissive comment no matter how you look at it, if not followed by anything else

even if not intended as such..

i mean.. ladies.. show some interest.. something.. it was a line intended as sparking *some* conversatino.. not some precanned nothing response..

I guess this is a really thought provoking question.......

To be honest, I haven't had to chat up a girl/woman/lady for the last 21 years, they chat me up:lol: :rolleyes: , only joking - I've been with my wife for that long......

But why should earning capacity/social status or lack there of be a determining factor if an attraction progresses past the first stage of an introduction???

This guy could have been made for her and subsequently her made for him, but because of the expectations that we seem to apply to ourselves in respect to our social requirements, it didn't progress....

I'm not blaming either party here, just commenting that this circumstance would probably be the premature death of potential relationships everyday, everywhere around the world for that very reason.....

And just because a person had money or social status, how would that make them a better catch??? Why would anyone enter a relationship of convenience???

But I'm no Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer for that matter, but I am a big believer in Crash Davis and Annie Savoy, and I do believe in long, slow, soft, wet kisses that last 3 days......

Cheers, RICK

If someone asks me if I like his new shoes or shirt and I don't like it, I say: "Oh, that's nice..."

But it depends on the intonation. You can say: "Oh... that's... nice.."
Or you can say: "OH! That's NICE!!"

Totally different meaning.

Success is an incredibly attractive quality to women, of course it is, and money is simply an indicator of success.

Some women are just after D&G, some are after a fun successful guy, if she is the former, then yes goldiggin' ho, if the latter then it is excusable.

I have had some pretty amazing jobs in the past, and the one that gets me the most action was the least well paid (and I mean about 1/10 the job that followed it). The most well paid job takes 25 minutes to explain....

p.s. communication in these environments is not the words, but the hands, body, tone, etc, even if she learnt to act at RADA, I could still tell the difference.

Hi Posh! :D
Xim

-"Erm, here is my DSN's modded 202/A..."

-"THAT's nice...!"

See?-it works....

Boy Posh, you sure type alot! And its not like the red on blue makes reading all of it more comfortable :shh:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by $~mLuMaN83~$

I dont know if I'm hot or not but thats just how I feel.


you can be the judge. And you can tell me I'm ugly if you want. It's cool LOL

Guy in the black shirt...

http://i154.photobucket.com/albums/s...DSCN0031-3.jpg






I'm goin to bed. Ya. I respect a girl who turns down the usual. Shows character and for me...thats a total turn on.


Nite guys and gals.

---

Who's the 'boyfriend' in the white shirt Big Guy http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a3...obbytrendy.gif ;)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Zed

Who's the 'boyfriend' in the white shirt Big Guy http://i15.photobucket.com/albums/a3...obbytrendy.gif ;)

---

say it ain't so.... $~mLuMaN83~$ swinging both ways.
:)

Your boy's eyebrows are something else!

"o that's nice" would turn me in the other direction no-matter the tone.

not anything to be defensive of, on his part. just walk away.

WOWza - those are some strange eyebrows...

@Posh
It sounds to me like the guy your friend was talking to is just really insecure about his job. And a little sensitive. Maybe he felt like he was poor compared to the other people he was around.

As far as people trying to find a person with the same values, morals, character, etc. - a lot of people don't even know their own values, morals, etc. Tough to find someone with the same stuff as you when you don't know what your own stuff is.

Nothing all that wrong with "settling" in one area of your life. I think some people settle in one area of their life in order to get at something they value more - women settle for guys all the time because they want to start a family and they guy they married is a good man, will provide, and treat her well. Maybe he doesn't make her teeth sweat, or her heart go nuts everytime she sees him, but stuff is fleeting anyway...

Agree w/ Austintech. Sounds like the guy has some insecurity issues about his profession. As well as looking for an opportunity to be an a$$. I'll bet he's heard alot of comments from women in the past that were much more "golddiggerish"

That being said, There are alot of "women" out there that give "women" a bad name.

IMO I don't think your friend was acting like a "pro-hoe"
It's not like she asked him "what kind of car do you drive?"

LOL too funny

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by $~mLuMaN83~$

I dont know if I'm hot or not but thats just how I feel.

you can be the judge. And you can tell me I'm ugly if you want. It's cool LOL

---

You look just like you write. I suspect you may be lucky enough to get girls, but you'll never get ladies. :)

Hey, you asked.

ps. Posh, that guy sounded like he was expecting her to be impressed. He's got issues.

To me, the man's response could have been taken wrong. Just leaving the DC area, I can say with experience that the place is a "mixing bowl" (ha ha, get it, "mixing bowl") full of different walks of life, let alone all the different cultures.

When I was in the dating game, I was invited to a place wayyyy out of my social register by the girl I was seeing at the time. Me, a career Marine, and she, a (some kinda political intern or lobbyist, I didn't pay attention or understand) lady with much more social refinement and background. Lets just say I was lost as a bastard on Father's day.

Anyhoo, folks asked what I did, and I tried to answer in terms that some would understand. Heck, on lady was trying to figure out what university the USMC was located at.

I was polite, hoped I didn't offend anyone and suffered through the event with little damage done. The point was, a few days afterward, a few of my date's friends "didn't like my crude tone" and I was told that I needed to learn to "lie better." Shortly thereafter, I realized this was little more than a social status competition between she and some friends, and who was to bring the candy to the event. I was to be there, look good and shut up. So we all know how that turned out.

But I didn't intend to offend, but I was definitely out of my social "comfort zone." I was with a lot of "haves" and I am definitely from the "have not" part of society.

Either way, perhaps the guy was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and hopefully no feelings were permanently hurt.

Just my 2 cents. Marty

Well not sure how I would take it on either part. Just because the guy does not make a ton of money would not matter to me, what matters most to me is happiness and those lovely butterflies in the tummy that I get whenever I am with someone truly amazing. But then again I haven't had that feeling in a long time, so I may have forgot how it felt...

Oh....that's nice :lol: sorry Spekoli, I couldn't resist.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by spekoli

"o that's nice" would turn me in the other direction no-matter the tone.

not anything to be defensive of, on his part. just walk away.

---

@Posh. Nevermind the poor insecure twit.

As per choosing a partner, I can only speak for myself.

My goal was to find genius, concrete proof of intellect behind those pretty eyes, someone who I consider better or at worst equal to me and I'm lucky to have found it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Anubis

Oh....that's nice :lol: sorry Spekoli, I couldn't resist.

---

lol where is the "turn back" smiley :p



just wondering: if she wants to support a certain lifestyle, shouldn't she be more concerned that HER career will lead her in that direction rather than what HE does?

i don't really care either way, but as long as the dude isn't trying for a sugar mamma, and will drag her down as a result, what does it matter what he does?

my situation was easy, i was lucky to find someone that i liked to be around. in return for her, my honest days pay for a (semi) honest days work turned out to be a little better as the years go by. (she sure as hell didn't strike gold when we met. she worked two jobs to put me through school, as i could only work limited hours during a heavy course load)
for her sacrifices she has earned a great deal of respect from me and no-matter what the future brings i will willingly give her anything i can.
if i had found success before meeting her, i can't say that i would feel the same way.

Posh, in your narrative you stated that you knew his profession wouldn't mesh with her lifestyle goals. Also, "honest day's work for an honest day's pay" what's so wrong with that?

In other words, not good enough for her, right?

I'm sure that assessment came through in the way she said "oh, that's nice" and nothing more.

And you are surprised he got offended?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rek001

Posh, in your narrative you stated that you knew his profession wouldn't mesh with her lifestyle goals. Also, "honest day's work for an honest day's pay" what's so wrong with that?

In other words, not good enough for her, right?

I'm sure that assessment came through in the way she said "oh, that's nice" and nothing more.

And you are surprised he got offended?

---

There's nothing wrong with looking for someone with similar goals in life.

Level of education usually has a lot to do with the profession we go into and henceforth the types of experiences, people and environments we are exposed to along the way that shape one's personality. We all seek mates that we relate to on a deeper level. ie. People who "get us".

What you choose to do in life as a career says alot about who you are.

I'm not saying you should however "judge a book by its cover" by any means.

@Posh: Out of curiosity sake what was this guys profession BTW?

First let me say, great responses. It's nice to see what others think.

Second, hi Ximenes! *WAVES LIKE BEAUTY QUEEN*

Let me respond to each in kind:

You look just like you write. I suspect you may be lucky enough to get girls, but you'll never get ladies. Hey, you asked.

ps. Posh, that guy sounded like he was expecting her to be impressed. He's got issues. -Pugwash

Pugwash, I was thinking the SAME thing. Luman, you look 12. Not that that's a bad thing. Rock out with your clock out, baby boy! When you grow up a little bit more your perspective on what's important will change significantly. Funny thing is I'm not much older than you but we are WORLDS apart. This is why I never date younger than me. LOL

And yes, he did seem a little perturbed by the fact that she wasn't overjoyed. I honestly think he was expecting her to be impressed that he even told her what he did considering the group of people we were around.

. . . you stated that you knew his profession wouldn't mesh with her lifestyle goals. Also, "honest day's work for an honest day's pay" what's so wrong with that? In other words, not good enough for her, right? I'm sure that assessment came through in the way she said "oh, that's nice" and nothing more. And you are surprised he got offended? --rek001

Rek, that's just it. He wasn't talking to her long enough to know that about her. He wasn't not "good enough for her." They could have easily hit it off if he hadn't really tried to find out "what she meant by that." She didn't mean anything. She really was listening intently and trying to talk to him.

It sounds to me like the guy your friend was talking to is just really insecure about his job. And a little sensitive. Maybe he felt like he was poor compared to the other people he was around.

As far as people trying to find a person with the same values, morals, character, etc. - a lot of people don't even know their own values, morals, etc. Tough to find someone with the same stuff as you when you don't know what your own stuff is.

Nothing all that wrong with "settling" in one area of your life. I think some people settle in one area of their life in order to get at something they value more - women settle for guys all the time because they want to start a family and they guy they married is a good man, will provide, and treat her well. Maybe he doesn't make her teeth sweat, or her heart go nuts everytime she sees him, but stuff is fleeting anyway... -AustinTech

Again, I think he was insecure about his job but also proud of what he did. I respect that fully. It was cocktail conversation around the Beltway and jobs come up. Like MartyMuffin said, DC throws all kinds of people together in the strangest ways sometimes.

I agree with your last statement. People don't know what they want or what they should be looking for in life. I try to really surround myself with people who are secure in themselves and have a clear direction in life, but not to the detriment of fun or enjoying life. And as far as settling goes, if you do it at the wrong time for the wrong reasons, you end up making yourself miserable. Women DO settle all the time and I think it tends to affect all areas of their own lives and their relationships. For some strange reason, and maybe I'm wrong, men rarely feel like they are settling. Or do they? I've seen a lot of really unattractive women with some really BANGIN' looking guys. Is it the "dirty Jersey girl ethos" we've discussed here before or something more complex?

Settling for XYZ person because you want certain things out of life will make you resent that person and your situation in the long run, I think. And the worst thing about that is we live in a society where that resentment and subsequent longing are exacerbated even more so than it would have been, say, 100 years ago. We have too many things shaping our views and beliefs; most people CANNOT filter these notions out in the long term. There are many books on this subject. Someone with a good, strong foundation is where you should start.

But why should earning capacity/social status or lack there of be a determining factor if an attraction progresses past the first stage of an introduction???

This guy could have been made for her and subsequently her made for him, but because of the expectations that we seem to apply to ourselves in respect to our social requirements, it didn't progress....

I'm not blaming either party here, just commenting that this circumstance would probably be the premature death of potential relationships everyday, everywhere around the world for that very reason.....

And just because a person had money or social status, how would that make them a better catch??? Why would anyone enter a relationship of convenience???

But I'm no Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer for that matter, but I am a big believer in Crash Davis and Annie Savoy, and I do believe in long, slow, soft, wet kisses that last 3 days...... -rickifatboy

Kisses that last three whole days? :eek:

I see where you're going with this, really. She didn't dismiss him and didn't skip a beat after the "oh, that's nice." She kept talking about something related to his job. She really was giving him a chance. I really do know women who would have tried to snake their way out of a conversation with him; that isn't just something that happens on sitcoms. She's really trying to be a more open person in all areas of life. I'm like Emma Woodhouse and she's my little protege! :D But wanting a certain type of guy or woman does not mean you're trying to enter a marriage of convenience. There are many, many examples where people let whatever feeling they have at any given moment rule their view of their relationship, whether it is logical or not.

If a guy "loves" you but doesn't have a job, a car or his own hair, then he must be a keeper because he loves you. Nevermind he's not really looking for a career and is eating you out of house and home. And then there are guys who keep the a woman because he "loves" her, never mind she is gaining ten pounds a day and doesn't want to better herself or keep house. I don't see where love factors into what is healthy for these types of relationships in the long run.

Please note that I feel that whatever you ask for out of a relationship, you bring that to the table. I do not believe that you should want certain things out of someone when you don't have any of those qualities to offer; that's fair.

delete

He was a manager for several convenience stores in the area. And no, he's not Arabic or Indian. That surprised me a little too.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Posh

He was a manager for several convenience stores in the area. And no, he's not Arabic or Indian. That surprised me a little too.

---

thank you, come again

Tell your boy: Slowly back away from the tweezers!

I think this thread is freaking epic.

Very interesting.

The guy is insecure. Future attempts at dating outside his league will only exacerbate his insecurities...hehe, had to use that word...

@Posh, your friend has every right to ask & answer questions any damn way she wants to. She can also say & think what she deems appropriate for the situation at hand.

Who the hell is he...The Social faux pah Nazi???

Peace...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Posh

He was a manager for several convenience stores in the area. And no, he's not Arabic or Indian. That surprised me a little too.

---

Wow, that was just wrong. I mean sure you might think it but doesn't mean you have to type it.

So what is it that she does for a living?

example 1:
Woman: what do you do for a living?
Man: I manage a chain of up and coming grocery stores (guy plays up his strength)
Woman: Thats nice. Have you guys opened any stores recently?
Man: Well actually we have...

example 2:
Woman: what do you do for a living?
Man: I'm just a grocery store manager (guy gives almost no info)
Woman: Thats nice. Have you guys seen a dip in spending with the increasing gas prices?
Man: Well actually we have...

Either way regardless of how the guy presented it...I would expect someone to have something insightful to say or add for just about any job.

Posh's update said that she continued the conversation and related it back to his job, which does make it seem like the guy has some issues with where he is in life.

I know when I'm talking to some girl, and she asks what I do, I do expect some kind of favorable response from the person. I usually play it real simple and let them pry more as they see fit, but asking some kind of insightful question is just being polite.

Posh..I'm sorry you and other members see me like this. It is really unfortunate.

I want to clear something up right now.



I joke on here alot. I just think it's amusing. I am not like this all the time guys. My good friends ALWAYs turn to me for

advice on EVERYTHING. I am a very down to earth person. I am a financial profesional by day and always care more

"unfortunately" for the other person. I take pride in my very strong morals and I always stick to them. I am way more

mature than most of you think. Kinda funny really. Peoples preceptions of others based on what has been typed on a

computer screen hahaha. But yes. Way different guy than you all may think. I am prolly one of the very few members

here that you would want to have by your side in ANY situation. I have people to back me up on this. Collector26 and I

had had a great talk at the Tampa GTG. He said before he left..."Luman, You are a great guy and one day you will get

what you deserve out of life." That really meant alot to me. Honest. And as for my looks? LOL I do look kinda young

hahaha. But thats a good thing. When I'm 40 I'll look 30. Al good.



I hope maybe this post can be taken seriously. This was all the truth. Maybe some of you may see me a bit differently.

I hope so.

And please ...if any of you great members I met at the Tampa GTG read this....Feel free to chime in. It would mean alot.

it's all in good fun and humor I believe.... :)

Oh and one more thing.

I have so much passion for life it makes me sick. I want to see the world, taste the wines, eat the exotic fruits, and do the things that nobody ever gets to do. May sound weird coming out of my mouth but this world is awesome! I like money, cars, ect...but that doesnt truly mean shiot. The best things in life are free. Like I said above. I surf. Not to have fun...but it is extremley theriputic to me. Being alone and one with the main source of life. Not fighting against nature but learning to use it and flow with it.

I am also prolly gonna regret say this but you know what. I dont care. I am comfy with it.

I am Pagan. Yes that's right guys and gals. Pagan. If that offends you, I'm sorry. Just know I have NO problem with anyone else's choice of spiritual path at all. I support it. Just dont throw your ideals in my face! That's all I ask. Religion is a personal thing and it should stay that way. Paganism is also a very responsible religious path to take. You cant just walk around and be that way. It takes alot of self respect and personal growth.

I hope you still love me Repgeek?!

wow, when did this go way off topic?

pagan? The People Against Goodness And Normalcy kind?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pj86Rznpxnk

see clip :D