Why'd You Come In Here Looking Like That?: Not Enough Do's and Too Many Don'ts
My father who is, for some strange reason, a HUGE Dolly Parton fan used to listen to her albums when I was a little girl, much to the chagrin of my mother who isn't too much of a fan, although she readily admits the woman has an amazing voice, which she does. My dad would listen to her albums and I remember back in 1989 when he got the album White Limozeen. He was in his office listening to it when I heard the song Why'd You Come in Here Lookin' Like That? start playing. I have no idea what about that song moved me but I ran into his office and began dancing to it. He laughed and called my mom in and I basically put on a show. I still love that song today and, if forced, will belt it out with a twang that would give Dolly a run for her money. This situation is usually accompanied by a little bit of alcohol. Or so I'm told. I never remember the next day. :o)
The song itself involves talking about this guy who she used to date coming into a bar she frequents and looking drop dead gorgeous. She's upset because he could have come in wearing a "gunny sack," as she says, and still looked better than anybody else but instead chooses to "waltz right in here lookin' that." Well, that's what her song is about but this article is somewhat about the exact opposite. Usually, when that phrase comes to mind for me, it's always because someone decided to wear something especially heinous, as if they lived utterly alone in a house with no mirrors or with someone who obviously did not love them. I can't imagine you'd let someone you love leave the house looking the way some of these people do. None of these people's significant others are Leos, I'm sure. :)
Some of these do's and don'ts I'll point out, pertaining to both men and women, people know about already, which is great. There may be some you didn't even realize were do's or don'ts, which is understandable. But that's what this is all about. The exchange and updating of information. If you've been wearing socks with sandals, the time has come to stop. We're here to help!
THE LIST
DO wear white after Labor Day: I know, I know. It's amazing. As long as the white is not summer white, which is a blinding color that isn't even achieved by snow, you can wear it until your heart's content. I thought I'd start with this one because ti's caused a lot of people inner turmoil. :D
DON'T tuck your t-shirt into your jeans: It's never a good look for anybody, men or women. And yes, women are guilty of this too. Usually it's a PTA bake sale shirt tucked into some unflattering 'Mom Jeans.' For men, the last and only time a t-shirt tucked into jeans looked good was when Bruce Springsteen gave us this album cover:
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DO make use of some kind of shapewear (Spanx, etc.). Let's be real, ladies. Some of today's most interesting and fashionable designs are VERY unforgiving for most body types. Women back in the day used to understand this and corseted/girdled themselves up, from levels ranging from mild discomfort to outright pain. Feminism during the 1960s saw the burning of girdles along with bras which were seen as tools of male oppression. Well, today's foundation garment's are infinitely more comfortable to wear than those of your's and my grandmother's time. They can't solve ALL body issues but they do offer some hope for those with minor needs. I truly believe now the only thing these garments were oppressing are pictures like this:
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I will say this for the girl: her jeans fit okay! It could've lead to the problem below otherwise. Read on.
DON'T even think about wearing the wrong kind of socks/hose with your shoes and outfit. Mayor Bloomberg, of New York City, is bringing us the latest look from sported by members of the Palm Beach Retiree Social Club . While this whole outfit is pretty much dull and inoffensive, pleated shorts notwithstanding, it actually makes another egregious mistake. If you're going to wear clothing that's "safe," make sure ALL of it is safe. They make socks that are cut low enough to make you LOOK like you aren't wearing any so seek them out. 95% of the time socks should be worn with shoes. Unless you're wearing sandals, put on a pair of socks. Ladies, I shouldn't have to tell you not to wear hose with strappy shoes. Get a pedicure and rock those toes.
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DO try something that's "not you" every once in a while. Did you know that your taste buds change every seven years? You find out that a taste you once thought you could never live without suddenly loses some of its appeal, for me the switch was from apple pie all the time to cherry. Well, that can happen with your own style as well. People tend to think that their styles are immutable when nothing could be further from the truth. We all are constantly evolving and should strive to be our best selves, whatever that could mean. To stay static is to become obsolete. Ask any psychologist and they'll tell you the first thing to go when we stop caring is our personal appearance. Every time.
Gianni Versace said "To be safe is to already be dead and I want to live."
DON'T wear a tank top as part of an ensemble in which to go out publicly. You know who does that? Guys on Cops and the Gotti Brothers, which can often be be exactly the same person. Do you want to look like any one of these people below?
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DON'T wear Crocs. Just don't do it. I shouldn't possibly have to explain why. But in case you need some, here's two:
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DON'T wear Hawaiian shirts. You look ridiculous. Period. The same goes for bowling shirts. If you're not bowling, hang it up.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3238/...fdf8659e_o.jpg
DON'T rock the muffin top. If you know somebody who looks like this, you have my permission to slap the holy piss out of that person. People THINK tight jeans "slims" them when nothing could be further from the truth. With the amount of jeans out there in every conceivable cut, size and construction. There's no reason to wear improperly fitting clothes of any kind and this extends to jeans now. For some reason, guys are guilty of this too. But more often they'll get the dreaded "Dunlap Disease" or "Dunlap Syndrome." That's where your gut "done lapped" over your belt. Buy jeans and pants that fit you or take it to the gym. I'm far from being a body fascist or gym Nazi but I'm fast becoming that way!
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Male Muffin Top. Let's call it a Mushroom Cap.:D
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3296/...c2c08aaa4e.jpg
Dunlap Disease (which is actually curable)
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I'm going to be adding to these rules as long as I have my section up, with an update in, you guessed it, red with a date. Fashion trends change but this list will be for rules that have been around a while and aren't going anywhere in the foreseeable future. More than likely they will not change because the ones that make this list are hard and fast.
But I encourage you all to comment (with your own peeves or fashion tips), ask questions or leave pictures of some truly horrific things you've seen. I couldn't possibly keep up with every nightmare out there in the world!
