Money For Nothing: Do we want too much?

**Posh** · 07-29-2008, 09:05 AM

I'm curious about what people think about the following:

A friend of mine and I were at a very informal dinner party in suburban Virginia and an interesting conversation came up. A guy who was dressed okay was trying to chat up my friend. They had blown through the usual trivial fluff convo and had come around to jobs. He asked her what she did for a living and he told her and, of course, she asked him the same thing in return. Anyone who knows anything about DC and the whole Metro area, knows this would be a standard Beltway Questionnaire inquiry, whether you like it or not. Usually, you meet people who work for think tanks, Congress, government, government contractor, K Street, start-up, etcetera. The job he said wasn't prestigious or particularly lucrative but it was an honest day's pay for an honest day's work, which is just fine but wouldn't mesh with her lifestyle goals. I knew that but he didn't.

Anyway, after he told her what he did she said very simply and without even a hint of condescension: "Oh, that's nice." If she had been acting, she'd have gotten an Oscar. No furrowing of the brow, no cocking of the head, no flinch of any kind. He got a little indignant at her for this reply; the words chosen, I think are what caused him to become defensive! After a brief exchange trying to clarify a reply that I don't think needed much he said it made her seem and I quote, "superficial and golddiggerish." Yeah, all this because she asked him back what he did and didn't do a cartwheel when he told her. I backed her up after the conversation because she thought she was in the wrong and I thought she wasn't. She felt really bad for the rest of the evening regardless.

I see way too many women (and men) settling, in every sense of that word, in regards to a mate AND themselves. Why wouldn't you want to be at your absolute best for yourself and future husband or wife? And I don't mean this strictly from a monetary sense either. Wanting someone with good value systems, character, morals, family background, and education is the right thing, or is it?

Are some women's or men's standards too high or are they right they need to be?

**$~mLuMaN83~$** · 07-29-2008, 09:07 AM

The guy is a t a bar chatting it up to get some for the night. Nuthing more. Dont take it personal. It's a double standard. Alot of guys are super low quality and "act" like they are better. your girl sounds cool to me. She didnt fall for the ussual which is respectable.

I also sometimes feel shallow cuz I am not attracted to a women unless she is really hot. I cant help it.

**Posh** · 07-29-2008, 09:11 AM

This was a dinner party at a house. Not a bar. But I get what you're saying.

Really hot, huh? Exactly how hot are you? Why is that men never look at the merchandise THEY'RE trying to move?

Back to the seriousness at hand . . . .

**$~mLuMaN83~$** · 07-29-2008, 09:14 AM

I dont know if I'm hot or not but thats just how I feel.

you can be the judge. And you can tell me I'm ugly if you want. It's cool LOL

Guy in the black shirt...

I'm goin to bed. Ya. I respect a girl who turns down the usual. Shows character and for me...thats a total turn on.

Nite guys and gals.

**roflwaffle** · 07-29-2008, 09:16 AM

Anyway, after he told her what he did she said very simply and without even a hint of condescension: "Oh, that's nice." If she had been acting, she'd have gotten an Oscar. No furrowing of the brow, no cocking of the head, no flinch of any kind. He got a little indignant at her for this reply; the words chosen, I think are what caused him to become defensive! After a brief exchange trying to clarify a reply that I don't think needed much he said it made her seem and I quote, "superficial and golddiggerish."

well.. i dont wnat to stick up for the guy, since i dont know what his respsone was, but

tbh, no matter how it was delivered 'oh thats nice' regardless of how delivered, with nothing else given... gives the message of 'who cares, not interested'

i mean 'oh thats nice' followed by *anything* that is related to the subject, thats fine

but just oh tahts nice, then just let it drop...

for some people, that might just naturally come off as a big screw you

'hey what do you do'
'im the president of the US'
'oh thats nice!' (given with due respect)
...
...
...
..
'thats all you have to say? nothing else? are you shallow? show *some* freaking reaction.. good or otherwise.. pleas for the love of christ have a real opinion... anything... just say something'

...

but thats just me.. 'oh thats nice' is a dismissive comment no matter how you look at it, if not followed by anything else

even if not intended as such..

i mean.. ladies.. show some interest.. something.. it was a line intended as sparking *some* conversatino.. not some precanned nothing response..

**rickifatboy** · 07-29-2008, 09:36 AM

I guess this is a really thought provoking question.......

To be honest, I haven't had to chat up a girl/woman/lady for the last 21 years, they chat me up

, only joking - I've been with my wife for that long......

But why should earning capacity/social status or lack there of be a determining factor if an attraction progresses past the first stage of an introduction???

This guy could have been made for her and subsequently her made for him, but because of the expectations that we seem to apply to ourselves in respect to our social requirements, it didn't progress....

I'm not blaming either party here, just commenting that this circumstance would probably be the premature death of potential relationships everyday, everywhere around the world for that very reason.....

And just because a person had money or social status, how would that make them a better catch??? Why would anyone enter a relationship of convenience???

But I'm no Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer for that matter, but I am a big believer in Crash Davis and Annie Savoy, and I do believe in long, slow, soft, wet kisses that last 3 days......

Cheers, RICK

**DVS** · 07-29-2008, 09:44 AM

If someone asks me if I like his new shoes or shirt and I don't like it, I say: "Oh, that's nice..."

But it depends on the intonation. You can say: "Oh... that's... nice.."
Or you can say: "OH! That's NICE!!"

Totally different meaning.

**DeepSeaMaster** · 07-29-2008, 10:15 AM

Success is an incredibly attractive quality to women, of course it is, and money is simply an indicator of success.

Some women are just after D&G, some are after a fun successful guy, if she is the former, then yes goldiggin' ho, if the latter then it is excusable.

I have had some pretty amazing jobs in the past, and the one that gets me the most action was the least well paid (and I mean about 1/10 the job that followed it). The most well paid job takes 25 minutes to explain....

p.s. communication in these environments is not the words, but the hands, body, tone, etc, even if she learnt to act at RADA, I could still tell the difference.

**Ximenes** · 07-29-2008, 10:38 AM

Hi Posh!

Xim

**jibuti** · 07-29-2008, 10:39 AM

-"Erm, here is my DSN's modded 202/A..."

-"THAT's nice...!"

See?-it works....

**RepProdigious** · 07-29-2008, 11:07 AM

Boy Posh, you sure type alot! And its not like the red on blue makes reading all of it more comfortable

**Zed** · 07-29-2008, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by $~mLuMaN83~$

I dont know if I'm hot or not but thats just how I feel.

you can be the judge. And you can tell me I'm ugly if you want. It's cool LOL

Guy in the black shirt...

I'm goin to bed. Ya. I respect a girl who turns down the usual. Shows character and for me...thats a total turn on.

Nite guys and gals.

Who's the 'boyfriend' in the white shirt Big Guy

**Ximenes** · 07-29-2008, 12:43 PM

Originally Posted by Zed

Who's the 'boyfriend' in the white shirt Big Guy

say it ain't so.... $~mLuMaN83~$ swinging both ways.

**opak** · 07-29-2008, 01:22 PM

Your boy's eyebrows are something else!

**spekoli** · 07-29-2008, 01:42 PM

"o that's nice" would turn me in the other direction no-matter the tone.

not anything to be defensive of, on his part. just walk away.

**AustinTech** · 07-29-2008, 01:56 PM

WOWza - those are some strange eyebrows...

@Posh
It sounds to me like the guy your friend was talking to is just really insecure about his job. And a little sensitive. Maybe he felt like he was poor compared to the other people he was around.

As far as people trying to find a person with the same values, morals, character, etc. - a lot of people don't even know their own values, morals, etc. Tough to find someone with the same stuff as you when you don't know what your own stuff is.

Nothing all that wrong with "settling" in one area of your life. I think some people settle in one area of their life in order to get at something they value more - women settle for guys all the time because they want to start a family and they guy they married is a good man, will provide, and treat her well. Maybe he doesn't make her teeth sweat, or her heart go nuts everytime she sees him, but stuff is fleeting anyway...

**jot9011** · 07-29-2008, 02:16 PM

Agree w/ Austintech. Sounds like the guy has some insecurity issues about his profession. As well as looking for an opportunity to be an a$$. I'll bet he's heard alot of comments from women in the past that were much more "golddiggerish"

That being said, There are alot of "women" out there that give "women" a bad name.

IMO I don't think your friend was acting like a "pro-hoe"
It's not like she asked him "what kind of car do you drive?"

**Perpetual** · 07-29-2008, 04:29 PM

LOL too funny

**Pugwash** · 07-29-2008, 04:36 PM

Originally Posted by $~mLuMaN83~$

I dont know if I'm hot or not but thats just how I feel.

you can be the judge. And you can tell me I'm ugly if you want. It's cool LOL

You look just like you write. I suspect you may be lucky enough to get girls, but you'll never get ladies.

Hey, you asked.

ps. Posh, that guy sounded like he was expecting her to be impressed. He's got issues.

**Marty** · 07-29-2008, 05:44 PM

To me, the man's response could have been taken wrong. Just leaving the DC area, I can say with experience that the place is a "mixing bowl" (ha ha, get it, "mixing bowl") full of different walks of life, let alone all the different cultures.

When I was in the dating game, I was invited to a place wayyyy out of my social register by the girl I was seeing at the time. Me, a career Marine, and she, a (some kinda political intern or lobbyist, I didn't pay attention or understand) lady with much more social refinement and background. Lets just say I was lost as a bastard on Father's day.

Anyhoo, folks asked what I did, and I tried to answer in terms that some would understand. Heck, on lady was trying to figure out what university the USMC was located at.

I was polite, hoped I didn't offend anyone and suffered through the event with little damage done. The point was, a few days afterward, a few of my date's friends "didn't like my crude tone" and I was told that I needed to learn to "lie better." Shortly thereafter, I realized this was little more than a social status competition between she and some friends, and who was to bring the candy to the event. I was to be there, look good and shut up. So we all know how that turned out.

But I didn't intend to offend, but I was definitely out of my social "comfort zone." I was with a lot of "haves" and I am definitely from the "have not" part of society.

Either way, perhaps the guy was at the wrong place at the wrong time, and hopefully no feelings were permanently hurt.

Just my 2 cents. Marty

**lexy.mathy** · 07-29-2008, 05:50 PM

Well not sure how I would take it on either part. Just because the guy does not make a ton of money would not matter to me, what matters most to me is happiness and those lovely butterflies in the tummy that I get whenever I am with someone truly amazing. But then again I haven't had that feeling in a long time, so I may have forgot how it felt...

**Anubis** · 07-29-2008, 05:51 PM

Oh....that's nice

sorry Spekoli, I couldn't resist.

Originally Posted by spekoli

"o that's nice" would turn me in the other direction no-matter the tone.

not anything to be defensive of, on his part. just walk away.

@Posh. Nevermind the poor insecure twit.

As per choosing a partner, I can only speak for myself.

My goal was to find genius, concrete proof of intellect behind those pretty eyes, someone who I consider better or at worst equal to me and I'm lucky to have found it.

**spekoli** · 07-29-2008, 06:10 PM

Originally Posted by Anubis

Oh....that's nice

sorry Spekoli, I couldn't resist.

lol where is the "turn back" smiley

just wondering: if she wants to support a certain lifestyle, shouldn't she be more concerned that HER career will lead her in that direction rather than what HE does?

i don't really care either way, but as long as the dude isn't trying for a sugar mamma, and will drag her down as a result, what does it matter what he does?

my situation was easy, i was lucky to find someone that i liked to be around. in return for her, my honest days pay for a (semi) honest days work turned out to be a little better as the years go by. (she sure as hell didn't strike gold when we met. she worked two jobs to put me through school, as i could only work limited hours during a heavy course load)
for her sacrifices she has earned a great deal of respect from me and no-matter what the future brings i will willingly give her anything i can.
if i had found success before meeting her, i can't say that i would feel the same way.

**rek001** · 07-29-2008, 06:39 PM

Posh, in your narrative you stated that you knew his profession wouldn't mesh with her lifestyle goals. Also, "honest day's work for an honest day's pay" what's so wrong with that?

In other words, not good enough for her, right?

I'm sure that assessment came through in the way she said "oh, that's nice" and nothing more.

And you are surprised he got offended?

**jot9011** · 07-29-2008, 07:07 PM

Originally Posted by rek001

Posh, in your narrative you stated that you knew his profession wouldn't mesh with her lifestyle goals. Also, "honest day's work for an honest day's pay" what's so wrong with that?

In other words, not good enough for her, right?

I'm sure that assessment came through in the way she said "oh, that's nice" and nothing more.

And you are surprised he got offended?

There's nothing wrong with looking for someone with similar goals in life.

Level of education usually has a lot to do with the profession we go into and henceforth the types of experiences, people and environments we are exposed to along the way that shape one's personality. We all seek mates that we relate to on a deeper level. ie. People who "get us".

What you choose to do in life as a career says alot about who you are.

I'm not saying you should however "judge a book by its cover" by any means.

@Posh: Out of curiosity sake what was this guys profession BTW?