Buy U A Drank: A drink (or gift) obligates a woman to what exactly?

[Posh]

Never assume a man's intention.....then again....I'm wrong.....men...we are mostly predictable...primal...easy to dissect and anticipate.

Maybe your friendliness was misinterpreted?....then again...maybe subconsciously, your instinct took over....you noticed a glance from a single man who was seated at an easy access to the bar....your ultimate goal was to get a drink. Cause and effect. Your glance or your standing behind him caused a cascade of events that led to him buying you a drink. Then your action of leaving him caused his outburst!

I wouldn't worry about it too much....Helen of Troy did a greater amount of damage...

Well, I'm still a Certified Financial Geologist (CFG) or in lay terms, no pun intended, a gold digger. I'm afraid that from time to time I revert back to what I was trained to do. LOL

But seriously, I can see your point.

Posh, I am afraid the guy was ABSOLUTELY right. He paid for your time. Now that means that until you finish your drink or at least for 5 minutes after getting it you are obliged to talk to him. If you want to go immediately then NEVER take a free drink from a guy. To just go off straight after is uncivilised and rude and gives women a rep for being users and some men start getting very sinister ideas about ALL women. So do yourself and women everywhere a favour and do the right thing next time.

Duly noted.

If I had known that I was supposed to be charging for my time, I would have at least asked for two drinks which . . .

That brings up a point......how much was the glass of Champagne that he picked up?

. . . brings me to this. That glass of champagne was almost $12 with tax, if not $12. It wasn't all that cheap and neither am I.

ok my point of view as guy.
you went wrong by taking that drink ...

if your with someone else do not take drinks from someone else.
guys buy women drinks so they can talk to them while they drink it. nothing else is expected from the drink except a talk, which THEN the talk can lead to something else.

If my girlfriend took a drink from someone else while i was with her ... id be very upset with her, I find that very wrong

I dont think the guy did anything wrong.

'

Oh, Turbo. Even you think I was wrong? What is a thirsty b*tch supposed to do? I think it would be rude not to take it. What if he insisted? Just sayin'.

[TimemiT]

CFG....I like that!!!

$12 is not too bad for glass of bubbly....over here on south beach it's more like $20..and Up!

Well, I'm still a Certified Financial Geologist (CFG) or in lay terms, no pun intended, a gold digger....

[elvis]

double post, sorry dont know how to delete

[elvis]

Did'nt you mother ever tell you not to take candy from strangers??? same applies here and mostly for the same reasons. I think that you should have politely declined. I would not have appreciated it if i were either man in this situation, slightly disrespectful to both imho. but hey, i do love me some effervescent women!

[Posh]

Did'nt you mother ever tell you not to take candy from strangers??? same applies here and mostly for the same reasons. I think that you should have politely declined. I would not have appreciated it if i were either man in this situation, slightly disrespectful to both imho. but hey, i do love me some effervescent women!

Well, Elvis, you've got some nerve! I've never been admonished by a dead drug addict who cheated on his wife.

But I can see what you mean by that. And I had the drink made in front of me. I don't drink anything from anybody I don't know unless I saw it being made.

CFG....I like that!!!

$12 is not too bad for glass of bubbly....over here on south beach it's more like $20..and Up!

Yeah, they're reasonable! The place is not at all pretentious. When Limoges was open in Baltimore, which I liked before it closed and became another eatery, was very upscale. I wouldn't have sneezed in that place and prices matched the mood. But it was a place you could bee seen thanks to the windows!

I was a CFG before I became Mrs. Gordon Gekko. When I dig, I dig to win!

[elvis]

not only that Posh, but what i really meant was that when you accept the candy, they want you to get in the van.

[IMAC]

This is an interesting situation that I have seen many times. Guy pays for drink and gets peeved that nothing comes of it. Social culture is different in Australia, where the buying of drinks for a beautiful woman has only ONE motive - and y'all can guess what it is.
If you don't mind another opinion from a happily married man, Posh - there is never a problem if you turn the offer down politely, but there sometimes can be if you accept the offer. Nobody minds flirting -hell, that's what makes the world a nicer place, sometimes. You have every right to do whatever you want, and without him trying to berate you in public to make himself feel better. But with a "mad Russian" as your partner - I think you're a brave girl to accept drinks from anyone but him
Next time, just say "thats a nice gesture - would you mind paying for a drink for my husband, too?"
My 02.

[panto]

What freaked me out, after I bought the drink, you and your boyfriend kept looking at me all night. Weird......

[JamDot]

Why not ask the server for a glass of champagne rather than going downstairs to the bar while leaving your party at the table.
Here is why:
As you entered the place and were seated you spotted this cute fellow at the bar. Once seated you said, "honey, I will be right back, I'm going to get some champagne"
You went down to this bar, pocked a spot next to this man and began flirting, accepted a drink and stayed a few extra minutes to chat.
When your fiance showed signs of concern you came up with this story and made it a post as to seem a little more legit by asking him to read your blog post of the day.

J/K...but seriously, you shouldn't accept drinks from strange men you are not intending to pay some attention too. It is kind of rude. Just saying.

[panto]

How did you know this? It was weird and her Bf Kept looking to kick my butt all night! Women....

[Soleggiato]

I generally dont accept drinks from guys even when my guy is at home. One reason is that guys will generally make outbursts like that even if you stay and chat with them because they've had a few drinks already (which has happened quite a bit to me even though I'm polite, state that I have a fiance beforehand ...even though I dont... and even show them my gorgeous "engagement" ring... and also accepted drinks because I'm usually pressured from my gf so she can chat with the guys friend etc) or want to still get at you like one of my ex guy friends. He purposely tries to get the girl thats taken already... he said its funner that way... suffice to say thats why we dont hang out anymore... he'll hit on me only when I'm have a bf... so no talky at all anymore.

A few of my gfs do that all the time though, and I feel really bad for the guys... really uses them and we take off... and thankfully they usually drive when we go out cause I did get drugged once because one accepted drinks from this guy for the whole group. So no more drinks from strangers for me.

So maybe that guy did just want to chat, or maybe he was seeing if you'd have a fling before the big day. Who really knows? Human beings can be pretty heinous. The only way to prevent anything like that is just politely refuse because you never know, they can be the most polite and sweetest guy and just not give any hints of anything til you get the drink and dash cause they wanted something but you didnt save for the drink.

[panto]

Most guys hit on women that have boyfriends because they have nothing to lose. Its not as big of a let down if nothing happens. Non confidant men do this. Biggest losers!

[agazza]

just say something witty back.

No big deal, stop overthinking everything woman

[louisruby]

Frankly a drink is a drink and that is all.

If i bought a woman a drink I would expect a chat and there would be no obligation attached.

Trouble is plenty of guys think a drink means a chat that leads to more, you happened to meat one of them. He even gave you the set up - single man from out of town on business and at a local hotel. He was fishing and cast the bait. He was expecting more (even though you told him your situation) and was upset when he didnt get it.

Were you obliged to provide more, in some eyes, perhaps. In all reality : No, absolutely not. He was wrong and ill mannered about it. Send down the Russian....

[jcp5252]

I think I'm going to have to side w Posh on this one. The guy definitely was fishing but she deflected it all before he had a chance to expect anything. Clearly she was with her fiance' and was going back to his table. If the guy had any class the drink would have been a thank you for the conversation already given. Thinking he could take it further at that point just makes him creepy.

My .02.

[Jennerate]

not only that Posh, but what i really meant was that when you accept the candy, they want you to get in the van.

this is exactly the best description for this whole situation!

[daytonadragon]

I think I'm going to have to side w Posh on this one. The guy definitely was fishing but she deflected it all before he had a chance to expect anything. Clearly she was with her fiance' and was going back to his table. If the guy had any class the drink would have been a thank you for the conversation already given. Thinking he could take it further at that point just makes him creepy.

My .02.

I agree with my fellow Texan as in Texas we all treat women with respect when we buy them a drink.

[Posh]

What freaked me out, after I bought the drink, you and your boyfriend kept looking at me all night. Weird......

I know, sorry. We're freaky like that. Pssst *call us!*

Next time, just say "thats a nice gesture - would you mind paying for a drink for my husband, too?"
My 02.

This is really what I should have said, if I knew I was going to accept the drink. And make no mistake about it, I was. This would have re-enforced what I just told him. But some people would say I was still wrong and I respect that.

I generally dont accept drinks from guys even when my guy is at home. One reason is that guys will generally make outbursts like that even if you stay and chat with them because they've had a few drinks already (which has happened quite a bit to me even though I'm polite, state that I have a fiance beforehand ...even though I dont... and even show them my gorgeous "engagement" ring... and also accepted drinks because I'm usually pressured from my gf so she can chat with the guys friend etc) or want to still get at you like one of my ex guy friends. He purposely tries to get the girl thats taken already... he said its funner that way... suffice to say thats why we dont hang out anymore... he'll hit on me only when I'm have a bf... so no talky at all anymore.

A few of my gfs do that all the time though, and I feel really bad for the guys... really uses them and we take off... and thankfully they usually drive when we go out cause I did get drugged once because one accepted drinks from this guy for the whole group. So no more drinks from strangers for me.

So maybe that guy did just want to chat, or maybe he was seeing if you'd have a fling before the big day. Who really knows? Human beings can be pretty heinous. The only way to prevent anything like that is just politely refuse because you never know, they can be the most polite and sweetest guy and just not give any hints of anything til you get the drink and dash cause they wanted something but you didnt save for the drink.

Okay, so I wasn't the only person to have a situation like this happen, with the whole outburst thing. That's what got me. That kinda "brought it on home for me," if you will. LOL

And I don't like that whole only talk to attached girls thing. My fiance has a sleazy friend like that. They knew each other when they were little kids before they moved from Russia. He's a MESS. He wouldn't care if a woman was handcuffed to her husband; he's going to put the moves on her. I don't care for him for other reasons. And no, he's always been respectful to me. I guess because of my man.

A friend of mine had something placed in her drink to and the two guys who put it in there actually tried to help her . . . right out of the club. She was with some people who managed to catch up to them. She couldn't really talk and tell them that the guys that were "helping her" were the two guys who did it. They claimed that they were getting her outside into the air and then left right after. That was a close call! She doesn't drink publicly anymore.

Most guys hit on women that have boyfriends because they have nothing to lose. Its not as big of a let down if nothing happens. Non confidant men do this. Biggest losers!

They have something to lose: their teeth. And they are losers for this!

just say something witty back.

No big deal, stop overthinking everything woman

I have to over-analyze! I HAVE TO KNOW WHYY!!!!!!! LOL

Frankly a drink is a drink and that is all.

If i bought a woman a drink I would expect a chat and there would be no obligation attached.

Trouble is plenty of guys think a drink means a chat that leads to more, you happened to meat one of them. He even gave you the set up - single man from out of town on business and at a local hotel. He was fishing and cast the bait. He was expecting more (even though you told him your situation) and was upset when he didnt get it.

Were you obliged to provide more, in some eyes, perhaps. In all reality : No, absolutely not. He was wrong and ill mannered about it. Send down the Russian....

Thank you, Louis. This is what I thought. We're adults here. A drink is a drink. I have purchased drinks for guys before if I thought they danced well or were dressed to kill. I'm not a double standard person. And since he was older (mid- to early-forties, if I'm not mistaken), I figured he was just being polite. I do get everyone else's points but this was essentially my point.

I think I'm going to have to side w Posh on this one. The guy definitely was fishing but she deflected it all before he had a chance to expect anything. Clearly she was with her fiance' and was going back to his table. If the guy had any class the drink would have been a thank you for the conversation already given. Thinking he could take it further at that point just makes him creepy.

My .02.

Finally, someone who sees it from my point of view. I was a helpless, thirsty victim, delirious from being so parched. I was experiencing double vision at this point and needed champagne--stat! I was lucky to be alive! LOL

[If you see Kay]

A few things went down wrong in this whole scene. (I feel like a movie critic here...)

Posh, you could have stayed about a minute or so (not 5) after accepting the drink. The old loser should not have expected anything more than just your time (but that's a fantasy..). When he blurted out that "get your tush back here right now" phrase, you should have gone back, returned the glass by handing it to him and then "accidentally" spilling it all over him.

NOw that would be a classic scene !!!! But yours is honorable too.

[burnzilla]

MUHAHAHAH I remember what you look like.....well kind of...damn its been a long time...****...I forgot sorry

[kingkaiser]

Posh, I am afraid the guy was ABSOLUTELY right. He paid for your time. Now that means that until you finish your drink or at least for 5 minutes after getting it you are obliged to talk to him. If you want to go immediately then NEVER take a free drink from a guy. To just go off straight after is uncivilised and rude and gives women a rep for being users and some men start getting very sinister ideas about ALL women. So do yourself and women everywhere a favour and do the right thing next time.

Sad to say, but this is more or less correct (although the guy could have been graceful about things). Think of any present in any context - how would the giver feel if after you got what you wanted, you immediately bolted for the door?

And in a bar situation, if you buy a drink for a girl (which I consider daft if you don't know her - buying a girls time rarely ends well), you're not expecting a trip to her place, but at least the pleasure of her time. Given that he knew you had a fiance waiting upstairs, I get the sense all he wanted was some platonic company of a pretty lady - by accepting, you agreed to provide him with that.

[replicageekfan]

and for future reference, as if you didn't know this, if you don't want any unwelcome advances don't accept drinks from men at a bar!

^^^^ This

[PamRehab]

Your fiance should have gone to the bar to get you your drink. That being said, if a woman obviously has other places to be after a short conversation -- there is no harm in buying her a drink and giving her a business card and telling her it was a pleasure talking. I can see where he might have assumed, wrongly, that the drink would get him some more face time -- but he obviously did not listen or pay attention to what you told him. Despite all of this, drinks from men often come with expectations that can range from some more conversation, to -- well, more. If you are not wanting either end of the spectrum, I'd recommend not accepting drinks from random men. It's probably worth the $15+ a glass to not have to worry about this sort of thing again.

[Posh]

Your fiance should have gone to the bar to get you your drink. That being said, if a woman obviously has other places to be after a short conversation -- there is no harm in buying her a drink and giving her a business card and telling her it was a pleasure talking. I can see where he might have assumed, wrongly, that the drink would get him some more face time -- but he obviously did not listen or pay attention to what you told him. Despite all of this, drinks from men often come with expectations that can range from some more conversation, to -- well, more. If you are not wanting either end of the spectrum, I'd recommend not accepting drinks from random men. It's probably worth the $15+ a glass to not have to worry about this sort of thing again.

I said that I was going to the bathroom anyway and decided to grab a drink when I was finished doing that. There's no need to ask for assistance with that when I'm already up and about. While I find that to be remarkably quaint, polite and thoroughly gentlemanly, I don't think it was called for in this case.

It's amazing: when you actually want and a need a man to be a gentleman or generally helpful, you'd be better off trying to deep sea dive in search of Bin Laden's corpse. Where is this "can do" spirit when I need your g*ddamn socks and shoes out of the middle of the hallway? Oh, you only wanna be helpful in restaurants, bars and clubs? I see.

MUHAHAHAH I remember what you look like.....well kind of...damn its been a long time...****...I forgot sorry

I remember what you look like exactly. When I last went to Monterrey, I looked for you everywhere. Where were you? LOL

[sricenbaw]

Sad part is if he was on business there's a 95% chance he paid with a company credit card anyways, so technically he didn't even pay for your drink. I bartend at a nicer resturant and see this stuff all the time, its pitiful.