First let me say, great responses. It's nice to see what others think.
Second, hi Ximenes! *WAVES LIKE BEAUTY QUEEN*
Let me respond to each in kind:
You look just like you write. I suspect you may be lucky enough to get girls, but you'll never get ladies. Hey, you asked.
ps. Posh, that guy sounded like he was expecting her to be impressed. He's got issues. -Pugwash
Pugwash, I was thinking the SAME thing. Luman, you look 12. Not that that's a bad thing. Rock out with your clock out, baby boy! When you grow up a little bit more your perspective on what's important will change significantly. Funny thing is I'm not much older than you but we are WORLDS apart. This is why I never date younger than me. LOL
And yes, he did seem a little perturbed by the fact that she wasn't overjoyed. I honestly think he was expecting her to be impressed that he even told her what he did considering the group of people we were around.
. . . you stated that you knew his profession wouldn't mesh with her lifestyle goals. Also, "honest day's work for an honest day's pay" what's so wrong with that? In other words, not good enough for her, right? I'm sure that assessment came through in the way she said "oh, that's nice" and nothing more. And you are surprised he got offended? --rek001
Rek, that's just it. He wasn't talking to her long enough to know that about her. He wasn't not "good enough for her." They could have easily hit it off if he hadn't really tried to find out "what she meant by that." She didn't mean anything. She really was listening intently and trying to talk to him.
It sounds to me like the guy your friend was talking to is just really insecure about his job. And a little sensitive. Maybe he felt like he was poor compared to the other people he was around.
As far as people trying to find a person with the same values, morals, character, etc. - a lot of people don't even know their own values, morals, etc. Tough to find someone with the same stuff as you when you don't know what your own stuff is.
Nothing all that wrong with "settling" in one area of your life. I think some people settle in one area of their life in order to get at something they value more - women settle for guys all the time because they want to start a family and they guy they married is a good man, will provide, and treat her well. Maybe he doesn't make her teeth sweat, or her heart go nuts everytime she sees him, but stuff is fleeting anyway... -AustinTech
Again, I think he was insecure about his job but also proud of what he did. I respect that fully. It was cocktail conversation around the Beltway and jobs come up. Like MartyMuffin said, DC throws all kinds of people together in the strangest ways sometimes.
I agree with your last statement. People don't know what they want or what they should be looking for in life. I try to really surround myself with people who are secure in themselves and have a clear direction in life, but not to the detriment of fun or enjoying life. And as far as settling goes, if you do it at the wrong time for the wrong reasons, you end up making yourself miserable. Women DO settle all the time and I think it tends to affect all areas of their own lives and their relationships. For some strange reason, and maybe I'm wrong, men rarely feel like they are settling. Or do they? I've seen a lot of really unattractive women with some really BANGIN' looking guys. Is it the "dirty Jersey girl ethos" we've discussed here before or something more complex?
Settling for XYZ person because you want certain things out of life will make you resent that person and your situation in the long run, I think. And the worst thing about that is we live in a society where that resentment and subsequent longing are exacerbated even more so than it would have been, say, 100 years ago. We have too many things shaping our views and beliefs; most people CANNOT filter these notions out in the long term. There are many books on this subject. Someone with a good, strong foundation is where you should start.
But why should earning capacity/social status or lack there of be a determining factor if an attraction progresses past the first stage of an introduction???
This guy could have been made for her and subsequently her made for him, but because of the expectations that we seem to apply to ourselves in respect to our social requirements, it didn't progress....
I'm not blaming either party here, just commenting that this circumstance would probably be the premature death of potential relationships everyday, everywhere around the world for that very reason.....
And just because a person had money or social status, how would that make them a better catch??? Why would anyone enter a relationship of convenience???
But I'm no Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer for that matter, but I am a big believer in Crash Davis and Annie Savoy, and I do believe in long, slow, soft, wet kisses that last 3 days...... -rickifatboy
Kisses that last three whole days?
I see where you're going with this, really. She didn't dismiss him and didn't skip a beat after the "oh, that's nice." She kept talking about something related to his job. She really was giving him a chance. I really do know women who would have tried to snake their way out of a conversation with him; that isn't just something that happens on sitcoms. She's really trying to be a more open person in all areas of life. I'm like Emma Woodhouse and she's my little protege!But wanting a certain type of guy or woman does not mean you're trying to enter a marriage of convenience. There are many, many examples where people let whatever feeling they have at any given moment rule their view of their relationship, whether it is logical or not.
If a guy "loves" you but doesn't have a job, a car or his own hair, then he must be a keeper because he loves you. Nevermind he's not really looking for a career and is eating you out of house and home. And then there are guys who keep the a woman because he "loves" her, never mind she is gaining ten pounds a day and doesn't want to better herself or keep house. I don't see where love factors into what is healthy for these types of relationships in the long run.
Please note that I feel that whatever you ask for out of a relationship, you bring that to the table. I do not believe that you should want certain things out of someone when you don't have any of those qualities to offer; that's fair.
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Originally Posted by Posh
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