Money For Nothing: Do we want too much?

[rek001]

Posh, in your narrative you stated that you knew his profession wouldn't mesh with her lifestyle goals. Also, "honest day's work for an honest day's pay" what's so wrong with that?

In other words, not good enough for her, right?

I'm sure that assessment came through in the way she said "oh, that's nice" and nothing more.

And you are surprised he got offended?

[jot9011]

Posh, in your narrative you stated that you knew his profession wouldn't mesh with her lifestyle goals. Also, "honest day's work for an honest day's pay" what's so wrong with that?

In other words, not good enough for her, right?

I'm sure that assessment came through in the way she said "oh, that's nice" and nothing more.

And you are surprised he got offended?

There's nothing wrong with looking for someone with similar goals in life.

Level of education usually has a lot to do with the profession we go into and henceforth the types of experiences, people and environments we are exposed to along the way that shape one's personality. We all seek mates that we relate to on a deeper level. ie. People who "get us".

What you choose to do in life as a career says alot about who you are.

I'm not saying you should however "judge a book by its cover" by any means.

@Posh: Out of curiosity sake what was this guys profession BTW?

[Posh]

First let me say, great responses. It's nice to see what others think.

Second, hi Ximenes! *WAVES LIKE BEAUTY QUEEN*

Let me respond to each in kind:

You look just like you write. I suspect you may be lucky enough to get girls, but you'll never get ladies. Hey, you asked.

ps. Posh, that guy sounded like he was expecting her to be impressed. He's got issues. -Pugwash

Pugwash, I was thinking the SAME thing. Luman, you look 12. Not that that's a bad thing. Rock out with your clock out, baby boy! When you grow up a little bit more your perspective on what's important will change significantly. Funny thing is I'm not much older than you but we are WORLDS apart. This is why I never date younger than me. LOL

And yes, he did seem a little perturbed by the fact that she wasn't overjoyed. I honestly think he was expecting her to be impressed that he even told her what he did considering the group of people we were around.

. . . you stated that you knew his profession wouldn't mesh with her lifestyle goals. Also, "honest day's work for an honest day's pay" what's so wrong with that? In other words, not good enough for her, right? I'm sure that assessment came through in the way she said "oh, that's nice" and nothing more. And you are surprised he got offended? --rek001

Rek, that's just it. He wasn't talking to her long enough to know that about her. He wasn't not "good enough for her." They could have easily hit it off if he hadn't really tried to find out "what she meant by that." She didn't mean anything. She really was listening intently and trying to talk to him.

It sounds to me like the guy your friend was talking to is just really insecure about his job. And a little sensitive. Maybe he felt like he was poor compared to the other people he was around.

As far as people trying to find a person with the same values, morals, character, etc. - a lot of people don't even know their own values, morals, etc. Tough to find someone with the same stuff as you when you don't know what your own stuff is.

Nothing all that wrong with "settling" in one area of your life. I think some people settle in one area of their life in order to get at something they value more - women settle for guys all the time because they want to start a family and they guy they married is a good man, will provide, and treat her well. Maybe he doesn't make her teeth sweat, or her heart go nuts everytime she sees him, but stuff is fleeting anyway... -AustinTech

Again, I think he was insecure about his job but also proud of what he did. I respect that fully. It was cocktail conversation around the Beltway and jobs come up. Like MartyMuffin said, DC throws all kinds of people together in the strangest ways sometimes.

I agree with your last statement. People don't know what they want or what they should be looking for in life. I try to really surround myself with people who are secure in themselves and have a clear direction in life, but not to the detriment of fun or enjoying life. And as far as settling goes, if you do it at the wrong time for the wrong reasons, you end up making yourself miserable. Women DO settle all the time and I think it tends to affect all areas of their own lives and their relationships. For some strange reason, and maybe I'm wrong, men rarely feel like they are settling. Or do they? I've seen a lot of really unattractive women with some really BANGIN' looking guys. Is it the "dirty Jersey girl ethos" we've discussed here before or something more complex?

Settling for XYZ person because you want certain things out of life will make you resent that person and your situation in the long run, I think. And the worst thing about that is we live in a society where that resentment and subsequent longing are exacerbated even more so than it would have been, say, 100 years ago. We have too many things shaping our views and beliefs; most people CANNOT filter these notions out in the long term. There are many books on this subject. Someone with a good, strong foundation is where you should start.

But why should earning capacity/social status or lack there of be a determining factor if an attraction progresses past the first stage of an introduction???

This guy could have been made for her and subsequently her made for him, but because of the expectations that we seem to apply to ourselves in respect to our social requirements, it didn't progress....

I'm not blaming either party here, just commenting that this circumstance would probably be the premature death of potential relationships everyday, everywhere around the world for that very reason.....

And just because a person had money or social status, how would that make them a better catch??? Why would anyone enter a relationship of convenience???

But I'm no Dr. Phil or Jerry Springer for that matter, but I am a big believer in Crash Davis and Annie Savoy, and I do believe in long, slow, soft, wet kisses that last 3 days...... -rickifatboy

Kisses that last three whole days?

I see where you're going with this, really. She didn't dismiss him and didn't skip a beat after the "oh, that's nice." She kept talking about something related to his job. She really was giving him a chance. I really do know women who would have tried to snake their way out of a conversation with him; that isn't just something that happens on sitcoms. She's really trying to be a more open person in all areas of life. I'm like Emma Woodhouse and she's my little protege! But wanting a certain type of guy or woman does not mean you're trying to enter a marriage of convenience. There are many, many examples where people let whatever feeling they have at any given moment rule their view of their relationship, whether it is logical or not.

If a guy "loves" you but doesn't have a job, a car or his own hair, then he must be a keeper because he loves you. Nevermind he's not really looking for a career and is eating you out of house and home. And then there are guys who keep the a woman because he "loves" her, never mind she is gaining ten pounds a day and doesn't want to better herself or keep house. I don't see where love factors into what is healthy for these types of relationships in the long run.

Please note that I feel that whatever you ask for out of a relationship, you bring that to the table. I do not believe that you should want certain things out of someone when you don't have any of those qualities to offer; that's fair.

[Posh]

He was a manager for several convenience stores in the area. And no, he's not Arabic or Indian. That surprised me a little too.

[spekoli]

He was a manager for several convenience stores in the area. And no, he's not Arabic or Indian. That surprised me a little too.

thank you, come again

[banshee35]

He was a manager for several convenience stores in the area. And no, he's not Arabic or Indian. That surprised me a little too.

Wow, that was just wrong. I mean sure you might think it but doesn't mean you have to type it.

So what is it that she does for a living?

[sandman]

example 1:
Woman: what do you do for a living?
Man: I manage a chain of up and coming grocery stores (guy plays up his strength)
Woman: Thats nice. Have you guys opened any stores recently?
Man: Well actually we have...

example 2:
Woman: what do you do for a living?
Man: I'm just a grocery store manager (guy gives almost no info)
Woman: Thats nice. Have you guys seen a dip in spending with the increasing gas prices?
Man: Well actually we have...

Either way regardless of how the guy presented it...I would expect someone to have something insightful to say or add for just about any job.

Posh's update said that she continued the conversation and related it back to his job, which does make it seem like the guy has some issues with where he is in life.

I know when I'm talking to some girl, and she asks what I do, I do expect some kind of favorable response from the person. I usually play it real simple and let them pry more as they see fit, but asking some kind of insightful question is just being polite.

[sebbi]

Luman, you look 12. Not that that's a bad thing. Rock out with your clock out, baby boy!

Lol, i like Posh. Luman, your a surfing hottie, youll do allright!

I think this issue is uncomplicated. Many women judge each other based on how successful their man is... the same way men judge each other based on how beautiful girl they have.
Thats why you rarely see a beautiful woman with a "hot" man... you see them with powerful, rich or intellectuals, artists, guys like that.

I asked a girlfriend of mine what was the most important thing she looked in with a man... nice smile? funny? firm and tight buttocks?
"I need to respect him" she said, and that made a lot of sense for me. I understand perfectly well why your friend lost interest Posh.

We judge girls on appearance all the time, we should expect to be judged back on accomplishments. And we know this don`t we, we are discussing this on a forum for fake watches.

[roflwaffle]

Lol, i like Posh. Luman, your a surfing hottie, youll do allright!

I think this issue is uncomplicated. Many women judge each other based on how successful their man is... the same way men judge each other based on how beautiful girl they have.
Thats why you rarely see a beautiful woman with a "hot" man... you see them with powerful, rich or intellectuals, artists, guys like that.

I asked a girlfriend of mine what was the most important thing she looked in with a man... nice smile? funny? firm and tight buttocks?
"I need to respect him" she said, and that made a lot of sense for me. I understand perfectly well why your friend lost interest Posh.

We judge girls on appearance all the time, we should expect to be judged back on accomplishments. And we know this don`t we, we are discussing this on a forum for fake watches.

hrm..

in the US, I don;t see much of what you speak of

i see beautiful women, with shallow beautiful men..

only time i see beautiful women with 'intellectual' men, it's usually your stereotypical 'in it for teh cash'

but, as with all over generalizations.. there are plenty of exceptions..

just saying more than 50% of the time, that is what I see.

oh, they'll tell you til they're blue in the face that they arent superficial like that, but many of them are.

then again, many are not.

theres all sorts out there...

[roflwaffle]

In the same way they say: "holy ****, I don't know what I'm doing...I've never done this before" when they're putting a hand on your **** at 3:30 in the morning after meeting you at the club. And the next morning, they tell you how they're "good girls". Yup.

3:30 isn't for another 10 min man..

and.. the whole while, it seems... you are on the 'geek...

ah, that's a pleasant image in my head.