Money For Nothing: Do we want too much?

[opak]

Thank you thank you thank you Luman!
For taking this little thread that could, embellishing it with your many pearls of teen wisdom, and turning it into the masterpiece that it is now.

[pc12drvr]

This is the topic that always makes me cringe and say "o.k. - here we go". There's an unfortunate truth in my profession that is best illustrated in the joke -

Q: How do you know there's a pilot at your party?

A: Don't worry - he'll have already told you.

There are several of us that when we're out on the road together we make up all kinds of funny stuff. The latest is that we are "regional salesman for a casket company".

The looks after that are priceless! And ya, we get "thhaaaatttss niiice" .

I guess sometimes that response is also akin to "I don't know anything about your industry, so I can't even sound intelligent enough to ask you more about it". I haven't read through all three pages of comments, but I certainly know that I have personally said "that's cool (or nice, or interesting, etc., etc.) when it wasn't meant as a brush off or lack of interest, just more the mental knee jerk of I can't figure out a proper follow up.

However, on the other topics of mate finding, there are certainly numerous studies out there that show that the things men find most desirable in a mate are almost inversely proportionate to what women want. One in particular listed: Looks, Good in bed, Potential good parent, Financially stable, Good provider. Men found those traits in a mate preferable in that order. Women, just read that order in reverse. I don't necessarily think that's being shallow. In many ways I think that's probably years of nature and nuture programming our brains and DNA.

I can only add in my own scenario, the end of my first marriage began after my financial situation changed. I became a victim of AIDS (Aviation Induced Divorce Syndrome). After 9/11 my ex wanted me to go back to old job selling box sealing tape for 3M. When I refused, well. . .anyway, she obviously didn't see me as a provider or financially stable anymore.

Many of the previous posters touched on one of the important factors in finding a mate - compatibility. Having similar goals for life and ideas for getting there are very important.

[Posh]

Wow, this topic has legs and it's getting up and walking around on them.

I must agree most with Sebbi because he really pared it down to the bare essentials. Men do want a woman who is attractive and a woman wants a man who is able to provide. That's the way it's usually worked. Some people have lucked out and been able to be very attractive and very brilliant (moi!) and been able to find that in another person. It's a really tough combo which is why it seems so often that we are all settling in some way.

Now, I also see what Waffle is saying about American sensibilities, as we can't really comment on the world at large. Here, it sometimes appears as if no matter what you have to be with someone attractive no matter the gender or their accomplishments. Hot people inevitably team up with other hot people. Although

Sfa437, you kind of reinforce what has been said already and contradict yourself a little bit. Men DO need approval from women in order to validate certain, or even all aspects, of themselves. That woman could be your wife, your mother, a whore or even the embassy interns who work the receptionist's desk. The fact that you spent any time talking with this young professional woman who, in your own words, starts out being a "Foggy Bottom hottie" and then ends up being a "vapid twit" when she finds out what your career REALLY entails and is pretty much done talking to you underscores this especially well.

Novesh, it's not about finding perfection because I believe we are all adult enough to realize that there's no such thing as perfection in anyone. We all want more than the average but to say we're looking specifically for an abstract ideal of perfection is a gross generalization. The fact that we are all looking for OUR own version of "perfect" is much more applicable.

Which brings me back to Luman. Luman, perception sometimes is reality. What most guys on this board project about themselves may in fact not be who they are in reality but it speaks a lot more about how they wished to be viewed or could view themselves psychologically.

People think you're a wannabe Lothario teenage mutant ninja turtle. People think I'm a 40 year-old British chick with a penchant for luxury watches, clothes and bags. Accurate? No, not really. But if that's the image YOU give off, then you can't blame people for basing everything they think about you on that. You also have nothing to prove to anyone on here. A man secure in himself doesn't need people to vouch for the content of his character ANYWHERE. His words and deeds will speak for him. It's just a forum to chit chat about faux luxuries and have a good time losing money in the Casino.

And the bad part about people who look really young when they are really young is that they DON'T age well. And if you do not believe me, look at Ricky Schroeder, Mickey Rooney, Neil Patrick Harris, Gary Coleman, Leif Garret and Danny Bonaduce; time has NOT been kind to them. That's your future. Embrace that or embrace Botox now.

Pugwash, that Alexander Dane quote was right on time.

[$~mLuMaN83~$]

Posh..No...what you said really hit home to me. For real. I'm not sure what triggered it but alot ha changed personally for me recentley and This whole."preseption thing makes me really think about things. I know ME and my good friends know ME but still. My life has 180'd in the last 2 years. Out of a 4 year relationship, single, good lookin, confident, and pushing for a really rewarding carrer and have changed myself and "grown" ALOT!!!...something you said just makes me think. About what i'm not sure but it has actually been on my mind today.

[$~mLuMaN83~$]

Maybe yur like a super human mind reader and yur gettin all in my head with the purpose of ruining me hahahahaha! Ok I gotta get out of this thread while I still can.

[SFA437]

Posh;

One can be smoking hot with an empty head. Glamour and brain power are two separate and distinct traits, although my wife has both in spades

The point I was trying to make was that for 30 minutes, I was getting hit on, despite my being married. Now I'm not going to lie and say this doesn't make me feel good- of course it does. I scored a major league hottie (see brunette in my avatar) but knowing I still have game after 20 years of marriage is an ego boost- and if there is something around here more important than my ego I want it caught and shot (Hitchiker's Guide to The ****** quote)

However the State Dept. types don't like people like me (in general). They're more along the peace, love and fahrfegnugen lines. Now I'll run that course until someone starts shooting at me, then the cage door opens

What mystifies me is why someone should be so superficial to give the "Oh...... that's nice" with the half turn away after 30 minutes of spirited, intelligent conversation because I carry a firearm. When she thought I was a GS15 diplomat I was the bees knees. When she finds out I am the GS15 responsible for protecting 50% of the people in the room and keeping them alive in a very hostile environment I turn into Fat Bastard eating babies.

Either way it has zero impact on my life. It's not something that takes up hours of my day (if you hadn't brought it up LOL) or leaves me wallowing in self doubt, just one of those things where ya have to say to yourself "WTF".

In any case the guy over-reacted big time. My advice to him would be to get over himself, if he wasn't what she was looking for who cares? The next one down the line may be the RIGHT one

[Posh]

Maybe yur like a super human mind reader and yur gettin all in my head with the purpose of ruining me hahahahaha! Ok I gotta get out of this thread while I still can.

Thank all my college professors and good genes for the remarkable insight into people's psyche.

[$~mLuMaN83~$]

Thank all my college professors and good genes for the remarkable insight into people's psyche.

HAHAHA! We are more alike than you think Posh...

[josevancouver]

For some reason, on a personal level, I have become less impressed with people's professions as I get older. I don't really know why this is, just that when I was younger and going through university having that 'title' and the big office in the future meant more to me at the time than it does now.

[spekoli]

For some reason, on a personal level, I have become less impressed with people's professions as I get older. I don't really know why this is, just that when I was younger and going through university having that 'title' and the big office in the future meant more to me at the time than it does now.

+1 to that note

[josevancouver]

I think I know why - I know too many corporate idiots who I have little respect for who could 'fit' into the ideal some (some) women find appealing.

+1 to that note

[banshee35]

GUYS! Paganism is nothing to be afraid of....and all that CRAP you see on tv is bogus as hell. No drugs, no orgies, no frolocking through the fields and hugging trees. Good lord LOL!

Man, I was going to sign up until you said that

[$~mLuMaN83~$]

[QUOTE=banshee35;346236][QUOTE=$~mLuMaN83~$;344685]
GUYS! Paganism is nothing to be afraid of....and all that CRAP you see on tv is bogus as hell. No drugs, no orgies, no frolocking through the fields and hugging trees. Good lord LOL!

Man, I was going to sign up until you said that

LOL!





I think this thread has served it's purpose. It has gotten the attention it was intended too.

[brokerzach]

Wow. This thread has been **** on.

[hoochman]

People who impress me the most are those who humbly serve others, behind the scenes, with no strings attatched. The genuinely altruist, kind person who sacrificially gives of their talents, time, and perhaps even money to help those who need it. the kind of person who passes no judgement on the begger on the street or the well to do drug addict. I wish i had more of that in me. Now don't get me wrong i make an effort but work, family, kids consume the majority of a day.

Regarding relationships, the thing that attracted me to my wife (other than her brilliant green eyes) was independence. I finally met someone who really did not need something from me other than love and acceptance. Oh is that so attractive to me.

[rickifatboy]

People who impress me the most are those who humbly serve others, behind the scenes, with no strings attatched. The genuinely altruist, kind person who sacrificially gives of their talents, time, and perhaps even money to help those who need it. the kind of person who passes no judgement on the begger on the street or the well to do drug addict. I wish i had more of that in me. Now don't get me wrong i make an effort but work, family, kids consume the majority of a day.

Regarding relationships, the thing that attracted me to my wife (other than her brilliant green eyes) was independence. I finally met someone who really did not need something from me other than love and acceptance. Oh is that so attractive to me.

+1 to Hooch

You just nailed what it's all about!!!!!

Hooch is now my LIFE sage - but Dave is still my WATCH guru!!!

Cheers, RICK

[Posh]

I finally met someone who really did not need something from me other than love and acceptance. Oh is that so attractive to me.

When I can send all three of my children to The Hopkins School, Sarah Lawrence (my mom's old stomping grounds), Sweet Briar (my grandmother's college) and Oberlin (my daddy's alma mater) with love and acceptance, let me know . . .

[Perpetual]

posh what is it that you do for a living i wonder?

[hoochman]

When I can send all three of my children to The Hopkins School, Sarah Lawrence (my mom's old stomping grounds), Sweet Briar (my grandmother's college) and Oberlin (my daddy's alma mater) with love and acceptance, let me know . . .

Well you can get 'that' if you are looking for materialism from a relationship.

Are you sending them to the above schools for you or for them? Is it a strong maternal instinct? If so good. But I think your measuring stick for being a good mother could be measured differently

I've been with many a woman who saw dollars signs in their eyes while we dated, somehow I just couldn't seem to love them enough or come to the conclusion to marry. Maybe it really isn't about them. I just wanted to love someone not be the 'answer' to all 'problems' imaginable.

Afterall there really never is enough money regardles of your tax bracket and you really cannot instill happiness, self worth, esteem, value, security into someone who does not already have it. I think in the bet case scenario you could compliment it but beyond that it really unfair to ask that of your partner. I think the most valued thing I could give my wife is unconditional love and acceptance.

Posh you always post interesting, well thought out post. And lets say i find you intruguing, exciting / erotic perhaps stimulating is a better word... I don't know if your intent is to radiate materialism but it does come accross that way. I supect there is a humbler side of you and that would be not as fun obviously on an internet forum.

[josevancouver]

Posh you always post interesting, well thought out post. And lets say i find you intruguing, exciting / erotic perhaps stimulating is a better word... I don't know if your intent is to radiate materialism but it does come accross that way. I supect there is a humbler side of you and that would be not as fun obviously on an internet forum.

I had to smile when I read this. On a message board like Repgeek, one can always try to project who they are, who they want to be, or simply create a caricatre of themselves to drive discussion. I enjoy reading Posh's posts/comments. I'm trying to decide whether I miss her strap wristshots more though

[spekoli]

Afterall there really never is enough money regardles of your tax bracket and you really cannot instill happiness, self worth, esteem, value, security into someone who does not already have it. I think in the bet case scenario you could compliment it but beyond that it really unfair to ask that of your partner. I think the most valued thing I could give my wife is unconditional love and acceptance.

couldn't agree more

[Posh]

Driving discussion is something I'm more than up for, really. But provoking deeper thought into what drives us daily is even more interesting.
As far as personas or facades go in Internet forums, I'm not that much different from what you gather I am on here. I believe I'm an intelligent, caring, strong-willed, moral, luxury-minded religious enough hot young half-shicksa goddess with a very loving heart and a modest nature who teaches yoga and pilates when I'm not saving clients from certain doom. What I am NOT is a ditzy, shallow, weak, superficial, slutty Anna Nicole Smith acolyte with my head stuck up my @ss, wondering what's in it for me.

As far as what I want for my own future and the that of my future children is the same life my parents gave to me and my sister. We had a wonderful childhood filled with all the things children want and need: affectionate married parents who encouraged learning and gaining knowledge and let us be ourselves while still giving us gentle discipline and structure. No abuse, no molestation, no oversheltering. We went on family vacations to Disneyland, Disney World, Europe, China and South America. And I even got the chance to spend my summers living in Italy with my aunt. We were great kids and for that our parents gave us everything we ever wanted. When I turned 18, I got a brand new Jetta. When I wanted a cell phone, I got it. When I wanted new clothes, I got them. Same way with my sister who got even more since she's the baby.

As far as schooling went, we both went to private colleges, but not to our parent's respective schools which I told them I'd correct with grandkiddies. That wasn't inexpensive but thank heavens we had parents with the money to cover everything. We didn't have to struggle through childhood or early adulthood. Some people believe struggling through certain things, or even anything, will make you a better person than someone who doesn't. I'm here to tell you that's patently untrue. Struggling turns you in a person who think everything is or should be a struggle to be worth anything. While I respect this line of thinking and don't belittle anyone's hardships, I definitely know the major benefits of having a life that was more idyllic, so to speak. Kids and teens should be able to just focus on learning, growing and enjoying their lives and innocence while things are still relatively uncomplex.

I could be an uneducated, emotionally unstable, drug addled and under-adjusted stripper b*tch with a daddy complex and an eating disorder but I'm not. I thank the strong values and strong union of my parents for that. I'm bringing and giving my absolute best in everything I do whether it be mentally, physically, spiritually and financially. I work hard, I play hard and I especially love hard. But that's because I have been the recipient of the benefits of that, growing up. Parents who don't have a lot of things to argue about, love each other and offer the best they can to their children, whatever that may be, help make this world better by filling it with happy people who want good things for everyone.

[Perpetual]

goodness

[Pugwash]

I could be an uneducated, emotionally unstable, drug addled and under-adjusted stripper b*tch with a daddy complex and eating disorder but I'm not.

Aw, damn. I was just starting to like you, too.

[J-C]

Aw, damn. I was just starting to like you, too.