Quote Originally Posted by Brightlight View Post
The problem with marriage is it is born out of being in love/lust which is a hormone induced state of temporary insanity. If you come out of this six months or a year later and find you actually are friends, like each other, love each other (as opposed to being in love) and are compatible, you've hit the jackpot. Obviously this also applies to couples who live together without getting married. If however you don't basically like each other, you have a real problem. Now I am no great expert in marriage having failed twice (the second continues for the sake of children and financial reasons) but there really was no logic to either time I got married. Had I been fully sane I would not have married the people I did. This is no reflection on either of them but a reflection on the fragility of human relationships and people's ability to choose wisely while under the influence of mind altering substances (for such the scientists agree is what love is). There probably is a lot to be said for the old fashioned long engagement.

Do I regret all these wasted years? You bet I do. One day you suddenly realise you're getting old, life is not a rehearsal and you've screwed it up. Not a nice feeling at all.
Well, engagements never used to be really long. I think that's a more modern occurrence than recent.

You have an old-fashioned marriage otherwise. You got together for love. Now, you stay together for the children and financial reasons. Is it glamorous? No. But you're committed to it; I think that's great, at least. Divorce is DEVASTATING to children, even adult children. Studies show that having unmarried parents does as much damage psychologically as having divorced parents. A former co-worker said the thing you learn after divorce and remarriage is that all you get is new problems. She was husband three but couldn't stand him most times. She said she just learned to deal with it because the problems don't disappear, they just become different. I thought that was hilarious but also sage words.

I remember once my parents thought about divorcing, well before my father's heart attack, and the minute I was told about itI was crying and begging my dad and mom not to do it. They told me first before they told my sister, which I'm glad about because she never knew how close we came to being like so many of our friends with two ridiculous households to be shuttled back and forth from. It was so scary for me. I called every relative in my mother's address book and was crying to them to come and make them work it out. My grandmother said everything would work out and it would be okay; she told me they would never divorce and I didn't believe her. I told her they seemed serious. She said give them time and they would work it out because they had strong roots. Bubbe was right.

Eventually, they realized no one else would want them so they decided to stay together. LOL Seriously though, they worked it out and are stronger than ever.