Endless Love: Marriage dead? Why?

[Emperor Penguin]

Marriage is not a crap shoot. Craps is a crap shoot. But you are right about keeping it simple. The simple facts in this matter for both men and women are the same. You can choose someone based on a lot of different things, e.g. money, looks, their ability to make your eyes roll into the back of your head. But whatever the other criteria, I think three of those things must include someone from a healthy family background, good character and similar value systems to your own. That ensures the longevity of anyone's marriage.

People don't just get married and then divorce because the sky is blue. They divorce for reasons that could be seen well before the marriage but they refused to want to see it, thinking they were going to change or you were going to change them. If you take a chance on choosing someone based on ANY other criteria than these three simple tenets, your marriage is doomed to failure.

Agreed, but you still cannot deny that there are couples out there who have done everything you have suggested, yet still divorced. There are anecdotes to substantiate your claim, just as there are anecdotes to substantiate the contrary.

There are no cookie-cutter solutions to succeed in this whole marriage matter, and you know it. I submit that there is no universal secret to succeed in marriage, and that alone would conclude convincingly that success in marriage is indeed a craphsoot.

[Posh]

Agreed, but you still cannot deny that there are couples out there who have done everything you have suggested, yet still divorced. There are anecdotes to substantiate your claim, just as there are anecdotes to substantiate the contrary.

There are no cookie-cutter solutions to succeed in this whole marriage matter, and you know it. I submit that there is no universal secret to succeed in marriage, and that alone would conclude convincingly that success in marriage is indeed a craphsoot.

Just what kind of marital issues are you referring to exactly? There's almost nothing that cannot be be repaired as long as the two individuals involved are COMMITTED to making their marriage work. If one person or both people decide that everything is "too hard" to work on (and I don't mean abuse or addiction situations), then it's going to fail. The media is subconsciously and consciously telling people that nothing is worth saving. That old TV isn't worth saving; that car is three years old and not worth hanging onto. Your husband pissed on the toilet seat. Don't put up with it. Divorce him. We are now at the point that even the people in our lives aren't worth trying to reconcile with because there is something better waiting for you at the club. That kind of thinking is destroying relationships in America.

Most everything I mentioned earlier one should look for in husband or wife are things you look for BEFORE you get married, not after. If you marry someone with YOUR VALUE SYSTEMS and a problems arises, you can work through it. If they do not have those values, your relationship will fail. If the person you married saw fighting, strife and divorce in their families, the seed is planted that at the first sign of problems in their own marriages they should leave. Anybody with issues going into a relationship is going to bring trouble at some point. Guaranteed. People don't even feel obligated to stay because of their children which is more scary than anything else.

I don't think there is any obstacle that cannot be overcome in a marriage, short of abuse and addiction. If you leave for any other reasons than that, especially when there are children involved, I think you're making a terrible mistake. But by all accounts of the media, there's something better waiting anyway so go ahead.

And for your information, it's not just women bringing baggage onto the plane that is a relationship because men have a matching set along with them too! It sounds very much like you are one of those men. Who hurt you or what did you see that made you so cynical and jaded about marriage or relationships in general?

[Emperor Penguin]

And for your information, it's not just women bringing baggage onto the plane that is a relationship because men have a matching set along with them too! It sounds very much like you are one of those men. Who hurt you or what did you see that made you so cynical and jaded about marriage or relationships in general?

Attacking the messenger instead of the message? We are not talking about my personal life or yours, so quit speculating.

You do discuss a point that I agree on: success in marriage is a matter of mutual will. No ****. That is a very simple concept, but it is a folly to assume that all people act with those serious intentions. You cannot deny that there are selfish people everywhere, both men and women. However, men have every right to cry louder when they fail in marriage because they have lost more financially. The fact is undeniable that men make more money than women, and women have more to gain financially in the event of divorce. Given this apparent inequality between the genders (i.e., men making more money than women), there is little wonder why the ideal of mutual will would be difficult to attain. Conniving wives throwing fits at their husbands to get goods, divorcing wives suing to get half or more of the marital estate, etc.

A lifetime of bliss, "'till death do us part," is indeed a worthy endeavor and a fundamental part of life in general. Many have achieved that, we cannot deny. However, to stubbornly dwell solely on the ideals of marriage without any regard to the harsh realities of divorce would be foolish. Marriage is beautiful, yes, but divorce has its ugly side, too.